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LOTR by CheezBusta


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Submitted on
April 22, 2006
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(The Ringwraiths are sitting on a sofa in the basement of Barad-Dur, relaxing after a hard day of chasing Frodo around
Mordor, when Number Three starts making up a song.
When all the Wraithes join in, Number Six leaves, as he hates singing.)

(Chorus)
We are the Ringwraiths,
Who can't do anything,
We just wave our swords,
And ride around.
If you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you,
"We can't do anything."

( 1st verse)
Well, we couldn't catch a Hobbit,
And we couldn't find The One Ring,
And we couldn't conquer Rohan,
'Cause they've got a big 'ole wall.
And we couldn't kill off Strider,
Or knock over Gondor's tower,
And we couldn't get the White City to fall.

(Chorus)
We are the Ringwraiths,
Who can't do anything,
We just wave our swords,
And ride around.
If you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you,
"We can't do anything."

(2nd verse)
Yes, we've been enslaved by Sauron,
And that dude is really ugly,
'Cause the extent of his body,
Is a firey, red eyeball.
But don't tell him that I said that,
Or he'll probl'y try to kill me,
And he'll find out the White City didn't fall.

(Speaking)

Ringwraith1: You shouldn't say things like that, Sauron
is gonna come get all of us!
Ringwraith4: Yeah, you're going to get us all in trouble!
Ringwraith3: Aww, who cares? He can't kill us, we can't die! I like that verse, and I'm not taking it out of my song!
Ringwraith7: You better be glad that Number Six isn't here, he always tattles to Sauron. I think you had better leave that
verse out.
Ringwraith3: No, it's my song and I'll sing it how I want to, and I say that that verse stays.
Ringwraith9: Well, I'm sorry. We really didn't want to have to do this but.....
Ringwraith3: What are you doing with that rope!?! Ahhhh!
(The other Ringwraiths hold Ringwraith3 down while
Ringwraith9 ties and gags him and throws him in the corner.)
Ringwraith7: Now, let's re-write that second verse.

(2nd verse, Revised)
Please tell Sauron that we're sorry,
For that idiotic Ringwraith,
That we tried to stop his singing,
And we tied him to the wall.
If he really is unhappy,
Please don't tell him 'bout our screw ups,
How we couldn't get the White City to fall.

(Strange noises are heard from the corner as Ringwraith3 trys to free himself, to stop the others from ruining his song.
The rest of the Wraiths ignore him completely and continue the song as they have been singing.)

(Chorus)
We are the Ring wraiths,
Who can't do anything,
We just wave our swords,
And ride around.
If you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you,
"We can't do anything."

(3rd verse)
Oh, we never laugh at Sauron,
'Cause he'd prob'ly try to kill us,
Though through these awful rings of ours,
We're enslaved one and all.
But we never could find Frodo,
Even though our master bade us,
And we couldn't get the White City to fall.

(With harmony)
How we couldn't get the White City to fall.

Ringwraith5: Should we untie Number Three now? The song is over.
Ringwraith9: No, let's just leave him there for a while,teach him not to make Sauron angry with us.
(Ringwraith9 stoops over and picks up a square, black item.)
Ringwraith9: What's this?
(He gets a funny look on his face, (which no-one sees, as his face is covered.) )
Ringwraith5:What is it?
Ringwraith9: Number Three's wallet. Hey, who wants
pizza? Number Three is buying!
Ringwraith4:Yeah! I'm in!
Ringwraith2:Me too!

All of the Ringwraiths walk out to go get pizza with Number Three's wallet, leaving Ringwraith3 tied up in the corner.
Silence is heard, all except for Number Three who is still in the corner, behind the sofa.

Ringwraith3: Mmpppppphh!!

A Ringwraith walks into the room.

Ringwraith6: Are you done singin.....

He trails off as he sees the empty room, and Number Three tied up in the corner. He walks over and yanks the gag out of
Ringwraith3's mouth.

Ringwraith6: Okay, what happened here?

Ringwraith3 cleared his throat and began.

Well, they tied me in the corner,
And they took away my wallet,
And they made me buy them pizza,
Which I didn't want at all.
Then they wrote my great song over,
And they ruined it completly,
And told Sauron the White City didn't fall.

We are the Ringwraiths,
Who can't do anything,
We jus.....

The song cut off as Number Six tugs the gag back over Number Three's mouth.

Ringwraith6: You know I hate singing! Just for that I'm going to leave you here. Wait, they went to go get pizza without me?
I'd better hurry if I'm going to get some!

(He tugs on the ropes to make sure they aren't coming loose and runs out the door, oblivious to Ringwraith3's attempts to
free himself.)
The Ringwraiths Who Can't Do Anything is a parody of the VeggieTales song The Pirates Who Don't Do anything.
I wrote it one day when my friend and I were talking about the uselessness of the Naz-gul in the movies.
Check out this site for the tune [link]
Thanks and I hope you enjoy it.
Note: I don't own any part of LOTR or VeggieTales, I'm a Tolkien fan, and I love his works. Just wanted to make that clear.
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:iconorangehuskie:
OrangeHuskie Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014
*can't stop laughing* Made my day lolol
Reply
:iconcat94208:
cat94208 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
This is hilarious. Great job!
Reply
:iconflameozutara:
FlameoZutara Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009  Student Digital Artist
LOL This is awesome! I can't tell which I like better now, the original or this one. XD
Reply
:iconforgotten-poet:
Forgotten-Poet Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2009
Thanks, and thanks for the fav. I had my sister's fiance offer to animate it for me, but that never came through. Maybe at some point I'll get around to doing that myself, just for the fun of seeing it in action. lol
Reply
:iconflameozutara:
FlameoZutara Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2009  Student Digital Artist
You're welcome! That would be interesting to see! :D lol
Reply
:iconxxmoonriverxx:
xxmoonriverxx Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2006
^_^
Reply
:iconforgotten-poet:
Forgotten-Poet Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2006
I know I know... Not my usual stuff.. But I wanted to show it to a friend and thought y'all might enjoy it too. It is funny. :)
Reply
:iconxxmoonriverxx:
xxmoonriverxx Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2006
Np... I like it anyway...
:nod:
Reply
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